4

Maximum number of words a customer would be allowed to say in a Starbucks express line — if a modest proposal by the Lake Oswego Review’s Mikel Kelly ever became a reality.  Kelly says:

There already are two tills in operation at most of the popular coffee shops, so maybe it’s time to reserve one of them for people who can place their drink order in four words or less.

Four words is all you need if all you really want is coffee.

Even (especially?) on the inside, Kelly would have some support.  This former barista wrote to the Bill Simmons mailbag on ESPN.com about tipping etiquette a couple of years ago.  There’s no obligation to tip a barista for a regular coffee, he said. …

However, if you are one of those people who orders an Iced-Decaf-Venti-Sugar-Free-Vanilla-Nonfat-2 Splenda-Extra Hot-Almond Latte. … then we deserve $5 just for not spitting in your drink or throwing the boiling milk in your face for making us realize that our life sucks. Other than that, tipping is optional.

Photo Long Line for Coffee by Flickr user leah.jones

Tags: bean-counting, etiquette, starbucks, tipping