Coffee Hero

I should have known better.  You don’t jinx a no-hitter in progress.  You don’t change hats during a winning streak.  You don’t spit into the wind.  You don’t mess around with Slim.  And you don’t, under any circumstances, say that a move is going well until every last item is moved.

I knew this, all of this, and yet I tempted fate when I moved to a new house last weekend. Geographically, this move was a mere 3 miles, but it held some significance to my wife and me.  We were moving from a furnished rental house to an unfurnished home.  At last, home would feel more like “our own” place, from furniture to pictures to coffee-brewing devices.

The movers were models of savvy and efficiency — every last item was moved more than half an hour ahead of schedule.  After returning the rental truck, I called my wife and said, “Everything is going really smoothly so far.” The jinx was on.

The furnished rental home where we previously lived was equipped with a coffee maker that served me fine, but I was eager to brew from my machine (a Krups Pro Aroma, if you’re keeping score at home).  Unpacking the box labeled “Coffee Maker” was a huge priority for me.  After 18 months in storage, my coffee maker at last saw the light of day — for all of 3 or 4 seconds.  I opened the box and lifted the carafe, only to let it slip out of my hand.

This being real life, and not the movies, I didn’t perceive the fall in slow motion.  And yet a full, coherent, and desperate thought flashed through my mind before the carafe hit the ground  –  “That’s a sturdy pot.  Maybe it won’t shatter.”

The photo speaks for itself:

Note that the coffee pot is upside-down — the impact blasted the bottom of the carafe into smithereens.  You’ve heard, no doubt, of the bottomless cup of coffee.  Do not confuse it with the bottomless coffee pot that I now own.

Tags: cape cod, carafe, humor, moving